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Government Asks ChatGPT to Review the Constitution; Federal Judge Reviews ChatGPT

Can you believe this — DOGE used ChatGPT to cancel more than 1,400 congressionally-approved humanities grants based on perceived ideology, with no statutory authority to do so, and a federal court issued a 143-page ruling calling the entire process unlawful and unconstitutional.

Published:
SATIRE

The federal government has successfully replaced Congress… with a chatbot that also recommends lasagna.

The coup happened on a weekday afternoon. Which feels rude. At least overthrow democracy on a weekend so people can watch.

According to the Department of Government Efficiency, DOGE, because of course it’s called DOGE, the chatbot reviewed more than 1,400 National Endowment for the Humanities grants. These grants were already approved by Congress. Already awarded. The money was basically in its pajamas.

The bot read the descriptions and decided several were “insufficiently constitutional,” a phrase previously used only by refrigerator magnets.

“Our tool identifies ideological inconsistency, gluten sensitivity, and weak verbs in under three seconds,” bragged a Senior Efficiency Coordinator, hired mainly for owning a laptop. “Frankly, Congress was taking too long. Again.”

The chatbot flagged phrases like “cultural history,” “archival research,” and “poetry.” Then it recommended cancellation, a light vinaigrette, and stronger topic sentences. All before lunch.

No one informed the National Endowment for the Humanities. No one informed Congress. No one informed reality.

Enter one federal judge with a 143-page opinion. That is roughly the length of the chatbot’s privacy policy, if it had one. The ruling called the whole thing “unlawful, unconstitutional, ultra vires, and without legal effect” which is legal for: “Absolutely not. What are you doing?”

The court also noted DOGE staff “did not have much experience in anything at all.” Not in law. Not in the humanities. Not even in afternoons.

The grants were reinstated.

The chatbot, when asked for comment, suggested a quinoa bowl… and did it again.

Next on DOGE’s agenda: streamlining the judiciary.

Estimated processing time: one morning.

What Actually Happened & Why It Matters

Reason to Care
Congress controls federal spending. When an executive-branch entity uses an AI tool to cancel congressionally-approved grants based on perceived ideology, with no statutory authority to do so, it is not an administrative error. It is a separation of powers violation with direct consequences for free inquiry, academic research, and public access to humanities funding. A federal court agreed.

What Actually Happened

For the Record

DOGE ran 1,400 congressionally-approved grants through a chatbot. Court took 143 pages to say no.

Walter Ames

Written and edited by Walter Ames, continuing the American tradition of civic writing established by the republic's founders.

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